Imagine you live your life as though you are a sat nav…you’re travelling down the highway of life trying to find your way, to fit in, to be a member of the club! You think you’re doing ok but virtually everyday you’ve realised that you’ve veered off course though you’re not really sure when you lost your way. This little voice says, ‘Recalibrating,’ the zap of confusion knocks you slightly off balance, it takes a while to find that steady ground that felt so sure underfoot. Does this ever happen to you?
In my life from a very very young age I learnt to observe, I payed close attention especially when people were displaying anger. So here I am, presently in a state of utter confusion, I’d started to feel angry, unhappy with the things happening around me. I decided to break the habit of a lifetime of letting things build up inside and voice my feelings! Ever aware of other people’s feelings I tread carefully, I am gentle (I think), choosing my words carefully, holding onto the tears pricking behind my eyes, the tears that are there because I’m daring to speak out! To trust that the message I’m trying to convey will be acknowledged, validated. It isn’t! I can see from the looks on the faces, the body language being displayed and my heart sinks, my mood drops and the claws of fear grip my heart, my throat closes and that little voice ‘recalibrating’ starts to grab my attention. Well, I’m at a loss because I’ve acted in a different way, less reactionary, no anger a simple reaching out and I’ve failed. Or have I?
Rachel’s blog 